::myundyinghate::

she dreamt she was a bulldozer, she dreamt she was alone in an empty field.

2012-01-26T20:09:00.012-05:00

i'd rather stay here with all the madmen, then perish with the sad men roaming free.

2011-12-14T19:40:00.007-05:00

they'll fight the world until they've won and love comes flowing through.

2011-11-02T18:38:00.009-04:00

5:04am. hear my train a comin'.

2011-10-11T05:10:00.001-04:00

vicious cycle.

2011-10-10T06:07:00.001-04:00

you have to be trusted by the people that you lie to. so when they turn their back on you, you'll get the chance to stick the knife in.

2011-10-05T16:48:00.012-04:00

i am humbled by your power oh wise one. (updated)

2011-09-11T18:50:00.015-04:00

so its been a while since i've really posted anything here. i've been super busy the last few months. it's was a good summer. i'm gonna really try to get back to posting on this more often. anyway, i got involved in a facebook war today which i thought was pretty hilarious. the back story is, i made a joking comment to my friend emma, thinking she would laugh, but she didn't and flipped out on me. we have squashed everything since, but some dude on her page decided to be her little facebook knight in shining armor and rise to defend his digital queen.. and thats where it got funny..

this is the original status:

Emma M is fucking sick of the bullshit. yeah...no license. with a kid. working at night time. GET THE FUCK OVER IT! it is seriously getting old. thanks Steve Bauer etc. for reiterating it all. you're so wise and all-knowing. everybody should be like you. getafuckinglifeyou'reinyourthirties.

Thaddea Giaconia and 5 others like this..

comments begin here (minus ones that don't involve the original convo):

Steve Bauer All I said is you hustle chumps. WHICH YOU DO. I've seen plenty of them. I wasn't hating. I wasn't talking shit. I wasn't disrespecting. I honestly just thought you would laugh. But whatever sensitive sally. I'll see you soon and we'll have a drink and not give a fuck like we always do. Good night emma! Xoxo

Emma M BUT I REALLY DON'T! i don't understand why the fuckkkk you even feel that you're entitled to talk shit...whatever you see in your twisted delusional mind you can keep to yourself. i don't need anybody ever telling me what i do with whom and why. i don't need to be told to go to bed because i have responsibilities and i don't need bitter fucking pathetic people in my life PERIOD. if that's what you want to do...KICK ROCKS! simple as that. i will not have a drink with you. i'm not being sensitive. and i'm not laughing. you're on my last fucking nerve and you should: shut. the. fuck. up.

Frank Pelligra Wait...I though you were one of the chumps, Steve? You mean you see the hustle, too? Haha...

Steve Bauer And while were at it, getafuckinglicenseyou'renotfuckingsixteen.

Steve Bauer XOXOXOXO

Emma M boy steve...you really got me there. again GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Corinne Boccieri live ur life the way it works for u love! fuck what anyone else says! as long as u n ur kid r happy! :)
Emma M yeah...that's all i worry about in the end but FUCK why does everyone have to constantly criticize a life they know nothing about? it gets soooo aggravating after a while.

Steve Bauer Wow. Literally all I said was hustler! Honestly thinking you would laugh. But I'm not gonna continue with this shit. You're obviously drunk and on your rag, so this is pointless. Once again. To reiterate, wasn't disrespecting, wasn't talking shit. Didn't know you were going through menopause. And honestly, don't talk to me like some piece of shit when i've never been anything but. Don't forget about Montclair. Love you emma. Let's talk when you're sober. Good night!

Corinne Boccieri k i obviously dont know what the beginning of this was, but if ur "not trying to disprespect her" why would u say u didnt know she was going thru menopause? unless her hair is gray and her boobs down to her ass i dont see that necessary

Steve Bauer Because she is being way too sensitive over the dumbest shit ever. I love emma to death and she is flipping out like an old lady on me. Hence menopause.

Emma M sugar...you're still trying to justify your being an asshole by claiming i'm drunk and on my period. i'm neither at the moment. thanks. you obviously have your own issues to deal with but i'm not going to let you take that shit out on me. that's not all you said and if you're literate enough you can go to your facebook chat and reread the conversation we had. anywayyyy just let it go. you're wrong and clearly making it worse.

(and this is where the mighty facebook warrior jumps in:)

Scott Lehmann Em, fuck what anyone has to say or think. All that matters in life are our familys and "REAL" friends. If someone has a "negative opinion", they should keep it to themselves. People hate for a reason either because they envy a person, jealous or a person, or they are so miserable with their life that they gotta try to bring others down.
Steve, the manly thing to do in this situation would be not to ramble on like this is HS, purposely trying to insult and disrespect a person....shm
I dunno know what this is about and it wouldn't be my business but, since this is my little sister that your upsetting, do what she asks and as she put it, "leave her the fuck alone".

Gary Nigro FACEBOOK FIGHT!

Dwena Meriweather I love you both.

Mike Kuniega ‎*backs away slowly*

Steve Bauer Scott, the best thing to do is mind your own fucking business. Didn't know emma had any brothers. Unless of course, you just call it that cause you slipped deep into the friend zone. I didn't try to purposely insult anyone. I said something I thought was funny and that I also thought emma would think was funny. Obviously she didn't and that's between me and her. And I'll work it out with her. But thanks chief!

Chris Ferrante Ok guys! Stop before it goes to far and no turning back!! Trust me happens all the time to me!! Chill u all love each other and sniff each others butts and dingos!!

Shafreakuh MerQ-lick wow, i am about to throw up all of the alcohol i still have in my body. come on now, i'm the baby and i dont even do this shit on fb... SMHHHHH sad sad saddddddd.
im getting pissed the fuck off.
and my mom wont shut the fuck up about all the jews on t.v. this is the last thing i need.. if someone has a fucking problem with single moms working at night and not driving DONT FUCKING BE ONE, DONT FUCK ONE AND DONT BE ONES RIDE. end of story. jesus fucking christ..

Mike Kuniega I still don't understand what's wrong with hustling chumps.

Shafreakuh MerQ-lick ilove you.

Emma M nothing! but sometimes you're just not hustling chumps!

Steve Bauer Oh my god. As if I ever disrespected being a single mom. I have plenty of friends that are single moms. I respect emma for that. But yeah yeah Steve Bauer is the bad guy. Ok.

Emma M the last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again. let me tell you.

Scott Lehmann what a clown....smh

Chris Ferrante O boy!!! See what I mean. E.L.E. Everybody love everybody. Damn it!! jackie moon

Steve Bauer Clown haha. Right now I'm holding up one of those clown signs with the finger that says "you must be this tall to get on this ride". Nah mean??

Chris Ferrante U talking to me steven?? Don't start with me I didn't say a word to u and am tryuing to lighten the situation

Emma M let's play a game called everyone shut the fuck up! readyyyyy go!

Chris Ferrante Hahahahah. I ageree. Idk what I did just wanted to know if u had a kid

Scott Lehmann its too funny when white ppl throw out black lingo....LMFAO

Chris Ferrante Word up

Steve Bauer Never Chris. The bauers and ferrantes have decades of history.

Steve Bauer Its too funny when "grown men" type "LMFAO" like a middle school girl on AIM.

Chris Ferrante Loll. Boy scouts, mr ferrante a den mommy!!

Scott Lehmann Steve, honestly I must know....were you born a douche bag or did you have to train for it? And as for being a "grown man", you sure do know how to act like a little hs girl. as for the LMFAO...yes, Im laughing my fucking ass off at you. Throw out some more ghetto lingo while your at it....show me why your the poster child for "Wiggers"...nah mean hommie? dont get tight n try to bust a cap up in a muthafucka.

Emma M lol! bust a cap...haven't heard that in a hot minute.

Scott Lehmann yo, that shit be butters yo

Steve Bauer Yeah cause I'm a "wigger". Sure cause you know me right. Sure cause I threw in a "nah mean" to be funny, as if everything else I typed isn't spelled properly without stupid internet abbreviations like "smh" and "lmfao". I have two college degrees so piss off. And don't try to get keyboard tough with me little man cause I know who the fuck you are. You wanna talk shit, come see me any time. I'll fuckin stuff your little ass in a garbage can.

Scott Lehmann lol....aww...sensitive thugs need hugs. Wow, so look who has to prove himself like shes some type of scholar.... and yes, I said she because you seem to have sand in your vagina getting all cranky like your on your own "shark week". Keyboard tough?? I did parttake in no such thing. See, Im just guiding you through this act your putting on that just shows you to be a douchebag. Dont be mad at me, be mad at yourself. For a guy who supposedly has to college degrees, your intellect is moronic at best. Did you get them at K-Mart?? Oh and for your little "come see me" threat, keep showing why you have the intellect of a HS girl. Have a good day Sally or should I say, Sensitive Sally??

Emma M no cyber bullying guys come on! holy shit.

Scott Lehmann lol....What?? Em, Im not the one going through "shark week"....Steve suffers from CBS(Cranky Bitch Syndrome). Oh Steve, I do know who you are too....as for the "little man" comment, shows how dumb you can be. You must like to judge books by their covers hence the neanderthol like judgements you been spitting out.

Gary Nigro Lol.. Thanks for keeping me entertained on this cloudy day..lol.. Go giants!!

Steve Bauer this kid thinks i'm playing around. newsflash buddy, you butted your nose into something that had nothing to do with you. this was between me and emma. we had a disagreement (which has already been resolved) and then you had to step in as "...emma's brother" aka a cute little way of saying "emma will never bang me". talking shit with your quirky little insights and your "holier than thou" attitude like you're the better, more intelligent man and i'm some dumb caveman or something. you really think i'm not gonna say anything back?? and k-mart degrees? try montclair state university. right this very second, i am sitting in my office, in charge of MILLIONS of dollars worth of equipment and servicing people all over the globe. and i don't say little man because of your stature. i say little man because you are an ant and I am the foot that steps on ants. for all i know, you're a cool dude. but there's no way in hell i'm gonna let you or anyone else talk shit to me. seriously i'm getting sick of typing. just drop this, please. and as i said before, if you want to continue talking shit, come see me and talk shit to my face LIKE A MAN. if not, then we'll just leave it at that. end of story.

Steve Bauer oh and since gary brought football into the mix, i guess i'm gonna have to say, J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! ALL DAY BABY! hahahhaa

Emma M you're servicing people...huh huh huh

Emma M fuck you all for bringing football into my status. as far as this fucking alpha male crap facebook post shit talking goes...both of you are better than it so cut it out. fuckers. fuck!

Scott Lehmann you must have strong hands from running your fingers alot. I call Em my sis cuz I love her and would stand up for her in a heart beat. FYI, Em and I could never be a couple cuz we would kill each other. News Flash....Guys and Gals can be "f...riends". Again, you show your ignorance. You are making yourself to look like a "dumb caveman" by your actions. You dont scare me and I dont waste my time on ppl such as yourself. You say the "man" thing is to confront you and a fight is what you want. But, in all reality, that just shows whos weak minded. Why do you gotta keep trying to prove yourself and preach bout your fisher price degrees and how you manage a lemonade stand?? Im not impressed at the least bit. So, if you want to keep showing how much of a fool you can be, feel free to do so. The only intellegent thing you have said in this post so far is, "J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!"....so, I guess there is some hope for you....

Emma M see...you fags are both jets fans. go drink beer and chest bump every time they actually get a touchdown or some shit.

Scott Lehmann kiss my ass Emma, Im dragging you to a game this year

Emma M no way. unless they play the raiders i am not going anywhere. lol

Scott Lehmann raiders blow

Steve Bauer haha bro i don't want a fight. if i never see the inside of a courtroom ever again that wont be long enough. i was merely offering an alternative to keyboard shit talking. people have a lot to say behind a screen, but things sure change a lot in real life when its time to pay the piper. but yeah bro. you got me. my walmart degree and lemonade stand. actually thats a lie. i'm not sitting in my office right now. i'm working the drive thru at mcdonalds and taking GED classes at night. hopefully one day i'll get it and then i can go to shift manager. then i'll be able to move out of my moms house hopefully by the time i'm 40. so you won man! you won the big moral victory on facebook! now everyone can see that you are the better person and you are more intelligent (notice i spelled intelligent correctly, unlike you). you have certainly showed me. i am humbled by your power oh wise one. bask in your glory great facebook warrior! this is a great day for the huddled masses that you protect with your shiny keyboard! the 0's and 1's in the binary code bend at your command!

Steve Bauer wait binary code? what do cavemen know about binary code????

Emma M STEVE STOP!

Steve Bauer Why? I am giving praise to the great one in the wake of my defeat! He has vanquished the evils from facebook and the masses will be praising his name for all of eternity! ALL HAIL!

Caitlín McGloin this may possibly be the craziest most insane rant and utter lunacy i have ever come across in my existence. . via fb of course. . and i must admit for the last 45-50 seconds it took me to scan thru "comments 50-75" i was mildly entertained, which actually freaks me out even more.

Caitlín McGloin and im sure i am going to regret saying anything when i look at facebook in 5 minutes and i have 2498720348230984209 notifications exclusively from this comment, on this status.

Scott Lehmann So I had spelled intelligent wrong, big deal. I was too focused on getting ready for the game then worry bout spell check.
Emma, dont waste your time asking him to stop. Douche bags will be douche bags.
Steve, i get your whole point bout ..."being behind a screen" theory...If I seen you, I'd be delighted to tell you that you are a douche bag. Being that this isnt HS anymore, I find it pointless to search out a confrontation with you. Words are merely words and only a simple minded fool, like yourself, would get upset by this and pull a tough guy act. Again this could be cause by you suffering from low self-esteem, low self confidence, or, as in most studies that have been proven bout over aggressive males, LDS which is known as "Little Dick Syndrome". Which would explain you aggressive behavior. A small package normally will make a man over aggressive and or sensitive. You show both of these character traits. Good for you on your goals with McDonnalds!!! I think after the drive through you'll have to work the fryers before you get to shift manager. You work at the one in clifton, right? I thought I've seen you there. And as for your GED plans, at least your trying to mak up for your past failures...

Michelle Wolf Ha! This is awesome...:) thnx... Scott, "sand in your vagina" hahahahaaa i've had that all week. not too fun, but worth it. Go to Lenora's Tues. and supprt Carla Buffa fillin' in for me.

Scott Lehmann No prob Wolf....when a clown makes a fool of himself, I'll expose him for what he really is. No more Lenora's for me until they stop being greedy and cheep on the buy backs. I got many other bars to drop a ton of money on and get respected back.

Steve Bauer hahahahaha this tool is still going with this? jesus christ. you think you have it all figured out right. fucking sigmund freud over here. once again the wise one strikes! this time weilding all his knowledge in psychology! haha you're such a loser. haha i talked shit to you because i'm an over-agressive male and i have a tiny dick and i have low self-esteem? i have no confidence?? HAHAHAHA! you clearly have no idea the kind of ego-maniac you are dealing with. i have all the self-esteem and confidence in the world. and for good reason. i don't talk shit for any other reason than the fact that i can back it up. and once again, to reiterate (thats fancy talk for "repeat"), you were the one who butted your little head into something that wasn't your business. jumping up to be emma's knight in shining facebook armor. you're such a hero! hooray for king facebook, defender of the girls who won't bang him! protector of the friend zone! all hail! haha your insults are mad corny. your only angle is this over-generalization of me, lumping me into categories that couldn't be further from the truth. as if some little piss ant like you means anything. you're fucking nobody. you're exactly one of the chumps i was making a joke about to emma. but keep going because all i'm doing is laughing at you. imagining you sitting in front of your computer in an elf outfit with your feet not touching the floor.

Randy Natoli so................how bout them mets! :)

Steve Bauer Hahaha randy. Fuck the mets.

Eric Liaci dude. the fucking raider game is on. why am i reading about steve bauer shitting on a midget?

funeral for a friend.

2011-08-18T16:41:00.006-04:00

as many people know, i had to put my dog to sleep last friday. it was a very hard thing to watch. he was close to 19 years old. i've had him since i'm 16. when i lived at my parents house, he slept in my bed every night until i moved out. i wasn't able to take him with me to my apartment, but it was better for him. at my parent's house, he had a backyard to run around in, and he kept my mom happy.

i have so many memories of him from when i was young. he used to take these running leaps off the steps in the back and do this superman thing. i have some awesome mid-air photos of this. i have to dig those up and post them sometime. i have a ton of photos of him and i plan on putting them all together and posting a bunch of them. he was a little guy, but he was a fucking gangster. he had these massive jet black balls. we refused to get them cut off until he was about 15-16. it was a sad day when he got those things chopped off. he killed a squirrel and a rat in his day. broke a leg and a paw. had a cast and everything. always found a way to sneak out of the yard and just go on little doggy adventures. there was always some neighbor ringing the bell holding teddy and telling us how he was just walking down the sidewalk blocks away.

over the last few months, he was just getting worse and worse. completely blind and deaf. starting to have kidney failure. had a lot of trouble shitting, etc. he needed a lot of care and someone with him most of the time. my dad works all day and my mom has been off for the summer, but she works at a school and is starting work on september 1st. we made the decision to put him down, because once my mom went back to work, he couldn't be alone for 8-10 hours a day. it was a hard decision, especially knowing that he probably could have held on for a bit longer, but in the end i feel it was the right thing to do. his quality of life sucked, and i hated to see him like that.

so last friday was the big day. i spent a few hours with him. just petting him and holding him. it was a very somber day. i bought him 2 bacon wrapped filet mignons for his final meal. dan cooked it in a pan on my mom's stove. we had to pick him up and put him by his food bowl, but he knew right away and scarfed his meal down in about 30 seconds. his nose and his appetite were the only things that still worked for him. i felt like this was the only proper way to send him off:

we all held him as he got put down. i've lost friends and relatives, but this was different. we had to watch the needle go and feel him die in our hands. we stayed with him til the very end, all with our hands on him so he knew we were there. it sucked. i had tears rolling down my face along with my brother and my parents. i mean for my dad to get tears is a pretty fucking major deal because that man is a rock.

it's weird. over the last week, i keep swearing i hear him barking in the distance. where ever he is, i hope he is surrounded by unlimited steaks and hot poodle bitches to mount for eternity. we are getting his ashes from the vet next week. we are going to bury some of the ashes, along with his bed and toys in the yard and plant a tree on top. the rest of the ashes with be in an urn in my parents house, and my mother wants me to put his ashes in her casket when it's her time to go. apparently, that is illegal due to some kind of forensic mumbo jumbo, but i don't give a fuck. those ashes will be with my mom when the time comes.

this is how i like to remember him. just chilling and carefree. RIP teddy. you are missed. i'll see you on the other side little homie.

beer o'clock.

2011-08-06T22:06:00.001-04:00

to brainwash the mind is a social disorder.

2011-07-12T16:06:00.003-04:00

(via)

now there's a look in your eye, like black holes in the sky.

2011-07-10T17:56:00.009-04:00

miles to go before i sleep.

2011-06-15T19:15:00.002-04:00

caza | (via)

they're running in the streets amongst us all.

2011-06-15T18:46:00.000-04:00

jan mankes | (via)

geeks.

2011-06-15T18:40:00.000-04:00

"Oh yeah, all kinds of them...everybody seemed to uh, that's right they're just walkin' around doin' nothin', even on their own...play with the children, kid around. Anybody that - thatthe son wasn't ashamed to walk out the way they was, who had a tattoo, or the fat lady and the bareheaded person, or the alligator skin...that wouldn't be odd, they had so many odder things down there.
But that goes out to whatever carnival all over the world, all over the countries. And a lot of freakof natures were put into it. Used to call them "geeks." A "geek" was a person who was an alcoholic or on drugs. And they put 'em in a cage, and he was a wild-man. But they stopped that in the cities and they...but the carnival got traveled in the country...they still had the "geeks." They'd all come pay money to see a man, like an animal in a cage.

But uh, it wasn't done because it was uh uh uh a playground...you see, some for the first time were amazed...and you remember it was part of the sideshow. But today they got so many "geeks" out there...that they're actually running amongst the public, not in a cage where they should be.
They're runnin' in the street amongst us all..."

chapter 33: a new age dawning

2011-05-09T16:36:00.005-04:00

so as most of my friends know by now, some asshole decided to report my apartment to the city of lodi. the fire marshall concluded that the apartment was illegal and that we needed to remove our beds. we worked some magic, told them that we were sleeping upstairs, and i've been sleeping on an inflatable mattress ever since. i've also had to inflate and deflate the mattress every day out of fear that they might come back to spot check us. needless to say, i've been sleeping other places as much as possible and not very comfortable in my place.

i've been desperately seeking out a new place to live. i never realized how expensive rent is in this area. i found some really nice places, but some were over 1200/month for a 1 bedroom! no thanks. so after over a month of searching, i finally found a new place. i will be moving in on june 1st. pretty spacious studio with a large main room that has a small kitchenette and a living room area. stove and fridge are included. also has a fully seperate berdoom that is a pretty decent size. bathroom is just a sink, toilet and standup shower, which is fine by me. nice little patio area outside where i can set up a grill and a table/chairs. no grass or yard, but i have full use of a huge driveway that could easily fit 5-6 cars.

all in all, it's a pretty decent spot. it's not real modern looking but i'm ok with that. it will need a little fixing up and decorating, but that's fine. i'm signing a lease for a year and i'm sure i will be there for longer than that. i wanna make the patio area nice and really hook up the inside. i want a really nice space to work on my designs and really try to get some things going. i think in general, this place will be a healthy move for me. a big reason that i would find myself out every single night was because i was growing increasingly sicker and sicker of my old apartment. no sunlight. small windows. low ceilings. i would feel like a mole coming out of the ground when i would leave there. this new place will be really comfortable and i'll finally just be able to chill and relax. plus it's gonna be closer to my job and closer to my parents which is good. they are getting older. my dad has a bad knee. my mom has a bad back. so now if they need anything, i'll be 5 minutes away. i'll also be 5 minutes away from dingos, which i haven't told my liver about just yet.

the landlord seems really cool. he doesn't live in the house though. the other tenant is a single lady with two kids. but from the way he was describing it, she was in the front of the house and it would not be a problem for me to have people in the back to chill, bbq etc. i'm gonna start moving shit there in a few weeks. i'll meet the other tenant and get a feel for what kind of entertaining i can do there. as a whole, i'm really done with having the party apartment. i've had one for almost a decade and i'm kinda through with that. plus this is gonna be my own place and i don't want it getting trashed. this place is gonna start a new chapter in my life and i'm looking forward to it. once i get in and feel out the neighbors, i'll probably have a small home-warming gathering. actually i might have a few different ones, because i think it would get seriously out of hand if i invited everyone i'd want to a single event. but i'll be in touch about that.

and lastly - just wanna thank everyone that reached out during the last month or so. a few people let me sleep on couches, etc. what happened to me wasn't the end of the world, but still, a lot of people offered places to stay and whatever help they could. and i truly appreciate that shit. dan is also making some positive steps and getting out on his feet as well. within the next couple months, we will be updated versions. bauer brothers 2.0. cheers!

thanks a lot asshole (the end of an era).

2011-04-26T16:32:00.023-04:00

so last week, i got a call from my landlord. apparently, someone called the city of lodi and made a complaint about my apartment. i've been renting out the basement of my friend's mom's house for the last 8 years. i've had a few different roommates over the years. my current roommate is my brother dan. it's a strictly cash arrangement. as far as anyone else is concerned, it's not a rental.

so today, the fire marshall came to our place, and deemed it unliveable. it is ok as a hangout, but not an apartment. they are coming back on thursday morning and we have to have our beds gone by then. we can "hang out" down there as much as we want, but we are not allowed to sleep there. but we can have futons down there. go fucking figure. bottom line, i'm gonna have to buy and sleep on a futon until i figure something out.

this sucks on so many different levels. my main goal at this point in my life is to buy a condo or a house and have my own place. i figured i could stick it out at this place til about the end of next year, and i would have enough saved to put a nice down payment on a place and furnish it. i just cleaned out my savings to put a down payment on my new car, so at the moment i'm just about broke. i figured i could spend it, since my rent was so cheap and then just save from now until the end of next year. but now i'm pretty fucked. now i need to find a new place to live. i am not going to pay rent to sleep on a god damn futon.

so instead of paying cheap rent and saving money, i'm gonna have to pay probably double in rent of what i'm paying now and all my plans of owning a place are getting flushed down the toilet for at least another few years. all because some asshole decided to call the city and complain. i really wish the worst possible fate on this person. i really wish they would get hit by a bus and struck with cancer all in the same instant. i don't fuck with anyone. and my life is totally fucked right now. i'm being forced out of a place that i've called home for almost a decade. and i've been wanting to leave, but on my own fucking terms. and when i was ready to make a smart investment.

nothing really ever bothers me. but this shit is stressing me the fuck out. i mean i just bought a new car. i have been trying so hard to get my life on track. i got myself out of debt. i finally have pretty decent credit. i've been working full time and constantly improving on my design skills, all while juggling a healthy social life. and in one shot, some anonymous piece of shit has taken a major shit on my life for no fucking reason. i might even have to pick up a second job to cover the added costs of a new place and still be able to move towards my goals.

i gathered up some flicks of crazy times and great people that have made my apartment such an awesome place. i appreciate and love all my friends. and i thank everyone for all the good times that we've had.

i don't have a title for this post (untitled).

2011-04-12T20:03:00.007-04:00

and the winner is...

2011-03-23T17:13:00.004-04:00

last week, i posted about the tour posters i was doing for the upcoming folly reunion shows. if you didn't catch it, check it out here. anyway, the guys originally were going to pick 2 out of the 6 designs and send them to print. but they liked them so much that they decided to get 4 of the designs printed instead of 2. here's the one's they chose:

DRAGON:

(this is actually an alternate color scheme than the original one i sent them)

SPACE:

PINUPS:

SOVIET:

look out for them if you are going to any of the shows.

You think you're god because you have a robe and you can put people up the goddamn river for 20 years? Well you're not.

2011-03-20T16:38:00.005-04:00

this week, i had the ultimate pleasure of crossing a big thing off my "things to do before i die" list. and that was seeing godspeed you! black emperor live. i've been listening to them for a while, and they are almost undescribable. droning, post-apocalyptic, intense tracks with no vocals except occasional random audio samples that consist of things like interviews with bums and weirdos on the street.

they haven't played nyc since 2003 i believe. maybe 2002, and for the most part disbanded. they originally announced two new york dates last year and the tickets went on sale on my birthday, last september. got a call from my boy frank that day and said that he got us tickets for both dates. the shows sold out in about an hour and godspeed actually wound up adding 3 more new york shows. and after seeing them wednesday and thursday, i wish i would have gotten tickets for every one of those shows. they will probably never tour again, and seeing them live was such a complete mindfuck. i feel blessed to be a part of that history.

we saw them wednesday night in brooklyn at the brooklyn masonic temple and on saint patricks day at st. paul the apostle church in manhattan:

i've been to the brooklyn masonic temple for shows before, and it's a pretty cool venue. but the church on saint patricks day was one of the most intense things i've ever seen live. it's a huge stone church on columbus between 59th & 60th. the inside is all these huge carved stone arches and stained glass windows. we sat in fucking pews and watched this show.

the band consists of 4 guitar players, a bass player who also plays an upright bass, a violinist, a percussionist and a drummer. during the shows, they are basically shadows with a projection screen backdrop behind them flashing almost-brainwashing images behind the band throughout the entire show.

between the two days, they played a ton of stuff that i wanted to hear, including this track.. rockets fall on rocket falls:

(these videos weren't from the shows i was at, but are from this most recent tour. strangely enough, there were many points during both of those shows where you could look around and not see a single person holding up a camera or a phone to take pictures or video. it was that intense.)

project: folly

2011-03-10T15:48:00.008-05:00

i recently had the pleasure of throwing together some posters for the upcoming folly reunion shows. if you don't know who folly is, you can read up on them here.

anyways, their bass player, arben, got in touch with me a month or two ago and told me they needed some tour posters. they wanted a few different designs and would eventually choose two. i just finished up the last design a couple days ago. in total, i sent them 6 different layouts. i tried to give a variety of different styles, because he basically told me to just go nuts and do whatever i wanted to do. they are getting together this week to choose two that will go to print and be available at the shows.

here are the 6 designs, and i'll repost once they decide on their favorites of the bunch. click to enlarge:

DRAGON:

SPACE:

VAN:

ALIEN:

PINUPS:

SOVIET:

i'd love to hear people's input on which they like, etc. but post comments on the facebook page. and if you aren't already a fan, there is a link to the facebook page at the top of this page. cheers!

slumber killed by rays of the new red sun arising.

2011-03-01T21:22:00.008-05:00

i'm a relatively respectable citizen. multiple felon perhaps, but certainly not dangerous.

2011-02-22T16:05:00.004-05:00

you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

2011-02-22T16:00:00.001-05:00

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tonight the lonesome sky opens wide.

2011-02-22T15:54:00.005-05:00

we can get it on right here.

2011-02-15T17:02:00.005-05:00

this came out about a year ago:

but i didnt know that they made limited edition cover art for each dude. these are fucking fresh:

we wait for the quiet fire.

2011-02-15T16:30:00.004-05:00

(via)

the white porcelain is screaming.

2011-02-02T00:52:00.007-05:00

thanks for your support.

2011-01-06T20:21:00.003-05:00

2010 views:

taking over the day and night. you were with me then and always.

2011-01-06T15:48:00.006-05:00

new work: feelin' friendly

2011-01-05T18:10:00.003-05:00

just finished up the artwork and layout for my friend's website. he shoots skateboard film and he's trying to do big things. check it out. site features a short video filmed & edited by bj wishard, along with links to his youtube page and his old website (which i did not design)..

http://www.williamwishard.com/

i am your father.

2011-01-04T18:10:00.006-05:00

came across these today during my daily internet travels. so fresh.

justin van genderen | (via)

the gates of the keeps are all closing and broken men wander the roads.

2010-12-29T19:52:00.004-05:00

(via)

the fingerprints of god.

2010-12-29T19:44:00.003-05:00

wilson bentley | (via)

throughout my lifetime, i've left pieces of my heart here and there. and now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive.

2010-12-27T01:19:00.004-05:00

anna verlet | (via)

handcrafted.

2010-12-20T16:41:00.003-05:00

so i was hanging with my homeboy lou last night. he's a carpenter. he builds all kinds of custom shelves, cabinets, frames and tons of other stuff. he made these sick candle holders that he's selling for $75 a piece. maple and bamboo. really nice quality. here's some flicks:

lights off:

if you want to buy one, email me here.

what we've got here is a failure to communicate.

2010-12-15T17:12:00.006-05:00

civil war soldiers/family | (via)

you know that this moment in time is for real.

2010-12-14T18:37:00.007-05:00

recent work.

2010-12-14T18:27:00.003-05:00

business cards for my boy craig:

dingo's den ad / stepping out magazine:

album artwork for my boy seb:

random flyers:

bird's eye view.

2010-12-14T18:13:00.004-05:00

terry evans | (via)

i could've swore i saw a light coming on.

2010-11-03T19:27:00.006-04:00

while you make pretty speeches, i'm being cut to shreds.

2010-11-03T16:34:00.003-04:00

stefan eggeler | (via)

new work: matt panayides / tapestries of song

2010-11-01T20:57:00.004-04:00

had the recent pleasure of doing an album layout for matt panayides, who is an up and coming jazz guitarist out of jersey city. i've had the chance to see his group perform a couple of times at the lower level art gallery (RIP) and the avenue bistro in clifton. definitely worth checking out if you get a chance.

ran into a few initial snags after the manufacturer sent me a file which i thought was a template, but it was actually just a PDF with the dimensions and not at full-size. so i finished the layout and sent it out for print, only to find out that it was at a reduced resolution. something i should have checked probably, but any layouts like this i've done in the past have just been included with a full-size template. but i was able to salvage some of the original artwork. other parts i had to re-do, which sucked. but it's finally done and out for production.

layout is a 4-panel digipak and CD:

outside:

inside:

disc:

you can check out matt's website here

the ones we left behind.

2010-10-17T17:41:00.004-04:00

Edward Sheriff Curtis | (via)

don't let the door hit you on the way out.

2010-10-10T16:19:00.005-04:00

its getting increasingly obvious that i am becoming much less tolerant of people's lies and bullshit with every year that passes. i'm so fucking sick of people that lie to my face. years ago, i'd give people the benefit of the doubt. i'd think things to myself like "i'm sure they didn't mean it like that". i'd give people second, third, fourth chances. but those days are done, and i'm realizing if they didn't mean it like that, they wouldn't have done it like that.

i'm trying to build and grow. i'm trying to hustle and save money. i'm trying to buy a place and make moves. i'm trying to work on my skills and advance. and most importantly, i'm trying to have fun. people always know me as the party guy. and i am. but i am a fucking human being. i have a heart (as black as it might be). i have a brain. so don't treat me like some jerkoff. and don't insult my fucking intelligence.

here's a perfect example of what i mean. a few weeks ago, i had my birthday party. i invited a bunch of people. this one "friend" of mine, told me that she couldn't make it because she has school during the week, and she was trying to not go out. i was a little bummed, because (i thought) she was a good friend of mine, but i was cool with that. it was a thursday night, so i could totally understand. then i come to find out that this person straight up lied to me, and was partying it up at a bar that is literally TWO MINUTES AWAY from where my party was.. which is basically saying "fuck steve and his birthday". and you know what, i take that personal. absolutely. this is someone i've always been a good friend to. and honestly, about a month has gone by, and not even an attempt at an apology has been made. i'm not gonna call this person out. she knows who she is. and she also lost a very good friend, because i have no fucking time for liars. straight up.

there are some other shady fucks that have been endlessly grating my nerves lately as well. i'm not gonna get into all of this shit, because its just gonna piss me off. i went a little delete-crazy on the facebook the other day, because unfortunately that's what society has been reduced to. you have to delete people off facebook for them to get a point. bottom line, i'm not dealing with people's bullshit anymore. i've been way too tolerant, and it's not happening anymore. i will burn every fucking bridge i have, if necessary. i really fucking don't give a shit. i don't need anyone for anything.

if you're not with me, your against me. and i'm not trying to have anymore knives in my back. i have no time for people that hang out with me when its convenient, and then ditch me when they start getting laid. then make up lame excuses, lies and shallow attempts to keep in touch, which are nothing more than them trying to NOT look like a fake ass motherfucker, when it's very obvious that's exactly what they are. i see through that like a window, and i always will. i see it in HD (how fitting).

so peace the fuck out. i'll be doing me, chilling with my real friends and making moves while you phony little piss ants suck my exhaust fumes. i got no time for fakes.

watch the universe expand.

2010-09-27T20:31:00.009-04:00

i need your skulls.

2010-09-27T20:30:00.003-04:00

jesus on the dashboard.

2010-09-27T20:27:00.005-04:00

old fashioned american muscle | (via)

beasts will become what they were meant to be.

2010-09-27T20:26:00.004-04:00

let the vortex pull my weight.

2010-09-27T20:22:00.006-04:00

bound for a star with fiery oceans.

2010-09-27T20:18:00.007-04:00

Lee Friedlander: America By Car | (via)

the stars are less bright tonight.

2010-09-27T20:16:00.004-04:00

like a queen in days of old.

2010-09-15T21:15:00.004-04:00

once in a while, one of those moments of complete clarity will hit me. like i'm floating above myself and looking down at my own insanity from a cloud

2010-08-29T20:20:00.012-04:00

you pick the place and i'll choose the time.

2010-08-26T17:46:00.005-04:00

(via)

surprised to find you by my side.

2010-08-10T16:18:00.010-04:00

new work: "last saturdays" flyer

2010-08-10T16:17:00.002-04:00

social commentary from a fucking asshole.

2010-08-10T15:40:00.005-04:00

the thought often crosses my mind that i have have been born about 30 years too late. it's really a tough call. i have seen so many amazing things in my lifetime. so much good music. so many advances in technology. i've met so many interesting and talented people along my travels. but in a lot of ways, i truly feel that society and human kind are in the midst of a great spiraling decline.

i imagine what it would be like to be my age now in the late 60s or early 70s. as much as i love hip-hop, punk, hardcore and metal, i also have an equal affection for classic rock. and to be this age at that point in time would land me in one of the most revolutionary periods of modern history. imagine being able to see all the greats in their prime. zeppelin. the doors. hendrix. the beatles. the stones. sabbath. pink floyd. the list is endless.

imagine life without internet. without facebook. without cell phones. without text messaging. without ipods. without 8000 channels of digital cable. driving around with burly beards in gas-guzzling muscle cars. woodstock. vietnam war protests. no aids. no obesity problems. when you just picked up and hit the road with no destination. no one hassled you for smoking weed. you could drink in bars at 18, which is only right. if you can get drafted and sent off to fight in a fucking war at 18, your ass should be allowed to sit and drink a beer in a bar. just overall i feel it was a much better time to be alive and young.

imagine living in a time where kids werent diagnosed with a "disorder" and hopped up on pills for simply acting like normal, hyper kids. kids had "ADD" back then too. you know what the prescription was? they went outside and played. imagine living in a time where people sucked it up and dealt with their problems, instead being a bunch of quick-fix pussy motherfuckers and omplaining to shrinks so they can shove lethargic depression drugs down their weakling throats.

i often feel like humans are generally becoming more and more pussy-fied. kids with cell phones in elementary school. parents with their kids on leashes in the mall. and people wonder why there are "men" who tan, wax their eyebrows or wear makeup. when i grew up, i left my house in the morning and didnt come home until it was dark. i was out riding my bike or my skateboard, or playing in woods and lighting shit on fire and my parents had no clue where i was or who i was with. i had nintendo and super nintendo. but no way in hell was i allowed to sit inside and play it all day. i grew up scraping knees and elbows and picking scabs. and i wouldn't have it any other way.

i look at this younger generation, and i feel like the cliche stereotypical person who complains about the youth. but i mean, its horrible. absolutely horrible. the music is terrible. these kids are literally obsessed with absolute garbage like the jersey shore and the housewives of new jersey or whatever other unintelligent piece of shit the media will throw at them. they are so sheep like, and we wonder why this country is going to complete shit. we've reached a tipping point where almost nothing is even capable of being original anymore. and the things that are original and actually take talent or intelligence, are generally not even accepted or embraced by this younger generation. they actually have no desire for intelligence. they actually want this mindless garbage pumped into their heads. it's truly disturbing.

i mean right now, it's not a huge deal. but unfortunately, they're not all going to die in the next year or two. in 20 or 30 years, some of these morons will be affecting our lives in some capacity. and that to me is disturbing. some fucking orange-skinned porcupine guido. some hot-topic shopping, studded belt, eyeliner-wearing douche. some beer pong playing, visor and sandal wearing frat boy. somewhere along the way (most likely through rich parents), will be in a position to negatively affect the lives of actual, intelligent people. and that fucking sucks.

there's a cold wind blowing in my soul.

2010-08-09T22:11:00.006-04:00

usually i post music and videos on facebook. and whenever i post on here, i put it on facebook as well. but this is a blog only exclusive for all you people that just check this out whether its on facebook or not. thank you. if you are a fan and you added the facebook page, leave some hate, love or any other feedback you want. cheers!

chose this song, because i've been listening to a lot of pink floyd lately. sometimes i think about people from my past who are no longer with me, or who i don't talk to anymore. this song kinda reminds me of them. enjoy.

infrequent.

2010-08-03T16:41:00.018-04:00

so i realize that i've been slacking a lot with posts on here. i apologize to the people that check this regularly. i've just had so much on my plate and so much going on in the social life that i've been really strapped for time. dating back to june, i've been bogged down with a lot of design projects. here's a few of the things i've worked on:

green room / max jerome flyer:

last minute birthday flyer:

sweet nelly's bbq sauce label:

dingbatz unplugged flyer:

abacinate / fit for an autopsy tour poster:

dingo's den bikini bike wash flyer:

dingbatz dio tribute / cancer benefit flyer:

joehate's birthday bash flyer:

still in the works.. album artwork for my man sebzero.. website layout artwork and a sticker design for the upcoming feelin' friendly website.

not to mention, i'm still in the process of putting together a handful of my own shirt designs that i want to release independently. unfortunately, those currently have to take a back seat to jobs that are paying me so that i can actually put the cash together to get them printed.

and i'm also slowly but surely collecting material for my upcoming project.. STREET CELEBRITY. i have a list of people that i want to eventually contact about doing interviews, but if you are interested in setting something up, please let me know.

**************************************

besides my full-time job, my freelance and my own personal projects, i've also managed to see a shitload of shows over the last few months. since may i've managed to see all of the following bands live:

troublemaker
black kites
fleshtemple
suburban scum
wisdom in chains
trapped under ice
skarhead
madball
H2O
cro mags
ill bill
cage
nassau chainsaw
sebzero
waking the cadaver
totimoshi
melvins
isis
faith no more
gravehill
cardiac arrest
infernal revulsion
unearthly trance
high on fire

(and those are just the ones i can think of off the top of my head. there are definitely a bunch more. plus next week i'm going to see slayer, megadeth and testament as well.)

**************************************

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION:

IF YOU NEED FLYERS, POSTERS, STICKERS OR T-SHIRTS FOR YOUR BAND, BUSINESS, EVENT OR ANYTHING ELSE, PLEASE CONTACT ME. I CAN DO STRICTLY LAYOUTS/DESIGN FOR YOU VERY CHEAP, AND I ALSO HAVE HOOKUPS FOR PRINTING AS WELL IF YOU NEED THEM.

**************************************

i'll definitely be posting some of my usual goodies this week and try to get this thing back and rolling like usual. thanks for checking me out.

life changer.

2010-07-06T19:52:00.003-04:00

yesterday, i had the pleasure of seeing faith no more at the williamsburg waterfront in brooklyn. this is a band i have been listening to since the 7th grade. that's pushing 20 years ago. easily one of my favorite bands. we sat there in the sweltering heat, pushed our way as far towards the stage as possible, lit up two fat ass joints and waited. and this is what they opened with. it was mind-blowing and it really almost brought a tear to my eye. no bullshit.

unfortunately, jim martin wasn't in this lineup. not sure why he isn't with the band anymore. but either way, i felt every minute of this show in my gut. it gave me chills. who knows if they will ever tour again. they might. they might not. i feel very lucky to have seen this show. it was like seeing hendrix or zeppelin in the 70s. we witnessed a part of history.